Thoughts: Endings and beginnings

It’s never done, you know.

I mean, my experiment is done. I don’t know if I’ll have a book out of it, but I certainly have a lot of life lessons from it. But the learning, the adapting, the delving… it’s never done.

I am proud of myself for finishing it. There are a lot of times I wanted to give up, but I stuck with it, and saw it through to the end.

Now comes the hard part – trying to nail down and define myself spiritually again. I mean, I know I am eclectic – but I have been so tossed about and discombobulated this past year that I don’t even know where to begin. So my next month, between all the school and writing stuff, will be to find myself again. To suss out what I liked, and what I didn’t like.

“If one is estranged from oneself, then one is estranged from others too. If one is out of touch with oneself, then one cannot touch others.” - Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Stay tuned to this blog. From time to time I will be posting bits and pieces of my journey back to my own beliefs, rituals, and ideas on what I am studying. I also blog over at Just Another Pagan Blog, so pop over there and check out what’s going on as well.

Thanks for joining me, guys. It’s been a hell of a year.

Whosoever wishes to know about the world must learn about it in its particular details.
Knowledge is not intelligence.
In searching for the truth be ready for the unexpected.
Change alone is unchanging.
The same road goes both up and down.
The beginning of a circle is also its end.
Not I, but the world says it: all is one.
And yet everything comes in season.
- Heraklietos of Ephesos

December: Shinto roundup

It is so difficult to be a shinto practitioner outside of Japan. Shinto is such a nationalized religion, and really relies on the actual people and land of Japan. I have no shrine (though I tried making a little area, but it was harder than expected). Also, there is no actual written ‘holy book’ to follow, no main leader to follow, nothing.

So, like most of these paths, I have done what I do best – find a well-reviewed book on the subject, and stick to the internet. Even with all that, it is still really hard for a white chick like me to truly grasp the spirit of shinto.

I did a few of the rituals – mainly burning incense for ancestors and working with kamis to bring things into my life. Kamis are kind of like deity, but not really. Mostly, they are revered spirits called upon to help and to pay homage to. I have been working closely with the kami Tenjin this month. Tenjin is very intelligent and works a lot with students and with anything to do with school. Since my school registration and the like has been a bit of a nightmare, I thought he would be a good one to start with.

I did not get around to creating omamori for myself, though I did make a few and give them out as solstice gifts.

My purification was quiet. New Year’s Eve was a blue moon, and a partial lunar eclipse. I briefly smudged myself, and thought a lot about my year, and all the things I wanted to purge to purify myself for the new year. I am planning on taking my written thoughts, and scattering them at sea when I get the chance.

Let me first say – I did not connect with Shinto. I felt as much connection as I did with Asatru, and that wasn’t very much. However, it is a very beautiful philosophy and belief system (if you can call it that). I have big plans to make a potted indoor tree to act as a shrine to tie wishes to for a whole year – and at the end of the year, burn the wishes to purify for the next year.

December: Shinto

And now, the last spoke of the wheel….

….Shinto.

I will be the first to tell you that I am not Japanese. I have never been to Japan. I’ve never been particularly drawn to all things Japanese, like a few pagans I know. It is a beautiful country, but I am not obsessed about it.

So why Shinto?

I don’t know very much about Shinto, other than what I have read. I left Shinto last because I wanted to take a long time to think about it. It is hard for me, as westerner, to understand the intricate workings of what is called the ‘Japanese religion’. But my plan is to do what I can, and honour it as best as I can.

Wikipedia says

Shinto is a religion in where practice (actions) and ritual, rather than words, are of the utmost importance. Shinto is characterized by the worship of nature, ancestors, polytheism, and animism, with a strong focus on ritual purity, involving honoring and celebrating the existence of Kami. Kami are defined in English as “spirit”, “essence” or “deities”, that are associated with many understood formats; in some cases being human like, some animistic, others associated with more abstract “natural” forces in the world (mountains, rivers, lightning, wind, waves, trees, rocks). It may be best thought of as “sacred” elements and energies. Kami and people are not separate, they exist within the same world and share its interrelated complexity.

It sounds like a lot of the work I already do. I focus a lot on intention, and in honouring the sacred.

I plan on doing three things:
1- Finding an outdoor shrine (a tree, likely) to tie my wishes on to.
2- Do a purification ritual every day to prepare me for the big one at the end of the month.
3- Create an Omamori to wear to bring me good health.

Since there is no shrine nearby, I will have to make my own.

November: Review

Despite freaking out my boyfriend with my saints altar, the month has gone over rather well.

From what I have gathered, Christopaganism is as varied as being an Eclectic pagan. Some folks simply focus on Jesus and Mary as the divine. Some focus on saint worship. Some say Jesus represents the moon, and focus on that aspect. Some use biblical passages, some use psalms, some use traditional pagan prayers and rewrite them.

My particular path was that of saint worship, and as seeing God as an all encompassing deity who was one and many. I spent most of the month prayer and petitioning the saints to help me out, and giving offerings.

This path, I think, was the easiest. I already knew a lot of practice, drawing on my experience as a former Catholic. I knew a good number of the saints (like a good Catholic girl), so the petitioning aspect was not foreign to me. I spent a lot of time praying pagan rosary, lighting incense and candles, and tending to my altar. If anything, this helped to bring more focus back to the altar, which I think a lot of people set up and promptly forget until they need it.

Today I will be taking down my altar and preparing it for my Yule tree. And, as much as I don’t want to admit it, I will miss working this path… sort of.

November: A quick altar post

I finally set up my altar tonight (after going through a few things and realizing I need to re-season my cauldron as it’s getting rusty). Here are a few pictures.

I currently have my altar set up to 3 saints:

Our Mother of Guadalupe, patroness of health, peace, help, and luck. I am working with her for my health.

Saint Thomas Aquinas, patron of schools, students, theologians. I am working with him to help me receive my acceptance to school (hence the admittance info sitting beside him).

Saint Brigid of Kildare, patroness of hearth, healing, smithery, fires (and about a million other things). I am working with her for the health of my family and friends (anything to prevent H1N1!).

The whole kit and caboodle. It’s not fancy, but it’s mine. I have some stones by Guadalupe corresponding to the areas in which I need healing. I have the admittance info for the school I applied to (and I wrote ACCEPTED as a nice little affirmation) beside Thomas. One of my athames sits by Brigid to direct the healing energy. The candles have been carved and anointed with intention, and correspond to specific colours. I have 2 other candles – one to represent the presence of ‘God/dess’, and an unlit 7 day novena. I also plan to make some prayer beads on my day off for myself to put on my altar for specific prayers.

November: Christopaganism? Really?

I joked with my co-worker Amanda that I was going to stealth-convert everyone at the store.

I really can’t believe there is only 2 months and 2 paths left! I have really learned so much in the last 10 months.

So I am tackling Christopaganism. It’s both easy and difficult. Easy, because I come from a Christian background and I remember a lot of the practice, even though it’s been… 13 years. Hard, because as a pagan, it’s very common to rile against Christianity. It’s hard to reconcile the two, but I know a number of people who do it very well.

I want to tackle it because there are so many issues surrounding this paradoxical pairing. I want to be able to reconcile my past with my present. And I want to be able to understand the mindset of the people that following this path as a life path.

The first thing I am going to do is work with the saints. Most saints are patrons of something – Brigid for fire, hearth, creativity; Our Lady of Guadalupe for health or peace, etc. It’s like looking at deity, but calling it a different name.

October: How I learned prayer/ Final thoughts.

So, I end my foray into Hinduism.

I’d say, in the grand scale of things, I was an okay Hindu. I wasn’t as observant as I could have been, nor was I as discerning as I could have been with my diet (though I did avoid eating beef). I did my meditations and mantras, however, and I learned the real power of prayer.

Prayer and I have rarely been friends. I used to pray a lot when I was a Christian – I always said the Lord’s Prayer and Hail Mary before bedtime. When I got a bit older, into my early teens, I also had conversations with Jesus. It wasn’t even like I thought he was listening back, but I felt comforted by the fact that I felt he was always there. When I started into the path of agnosticism, I stopped praying all together. Consequently, I fell into a deep depression. I don’t blame my depression on my change in path, but I am sure a slight correlation is there.

I rarely have prayed as a pagan, other than in a ritual setting when I feel somewhat comfortable. I haven’t been able to get past my own insecurities, and worrying that I am bothering the deities with my petty requests.

This month, though, was different.

I spent a lot of time praying to Ganesha. He is the remover of obstacles, so I would often pray to him and ask for things. In return, I offered up additional reverence for that evening. After the first time, it was so easy to pray. Even now, as I embark on a different path, I look forward to finding new deities to pray to.

You could almost call me a ‘prayer-o-holic’.

That was my greatest strength as a Hindu – learning how to speak to my Gods conversationally.

I have always been fascinated by Hinduism and India – and having that little taste of it really helped my respect and reverence for the religion. I have a lot of respect for those who can do it wholly, every day. And I carry love in my heart.

October: Hinduism: Interview with Pranada/Diwali

I asked my friend Pranada to help me out with some of the info for Hinduism, at least from her perspective. She’s a follower and devotee of Amma (Mātā Amritanandamayī Devi).

Renee: What exactly is Hinduism? What sect do you practice?

Pranada: You will get a different answer from everyone on this. Hinduism is a name that has been attached to what is more accurately referred to as Sanatana Dharma, or the Eternal Truth. In general, it affirms that all names and forms of God/Goddess are manifestations of the same One, that we have been born innumerable times and will continue through the cycle of birth and death until we attain full realization that we are not the individual self, but the limitless Whole.
I don’t practice Hinduism per se. I am a devotee of Amma, who does not describe Herself as Hindu either. She says, “My religion is love.” However, certainly She grew up in a Hindu context and the vast majority of Her devotees are Hindu. It is also very much within the Hindu tradition to have a Satguru to guide you to full realization.
It could be argued that I am a Shakta, a devotee of the Goddess. However, I am also somewhat Shaivite, a devotee of the god Shiva.

R:How do the rituals work (if you call them that)?

P: I think it is most accurately called puja. Check this link out for a better description of puja than I can come up with – http://amritapuja.org/what_is_puja.htm
In addition, regular spiritual practices are known as sadhana. Puja may make up part of sadhana, or it may not. My sadhana, when I am sticking to the plan (heh), involves two different meditations and the chanting of the Lalita Sahasranama (1000 names of the goddess Lalita). I do this sitting at my altar, where I light simple oil lamps and incense, and where I have numerous pictures of Amma as well as a Shivalingam (looks a little like this one – http://images.exoticindiaart.com/sculptures/shiva_linga_eh85sm.jpg).

R: Do you face any issues because you are a white practitioner?

P: I haven’t personally faced any discrimination, but some of my friends who are Western devotees of Amma have been made to feel unwelcome at other temples. Another friend of mine who officially converted to Hinduism when she married her Indian husband, years before she met Amma, was barred from a temple that was for Hindus only – they would not accept that she had converted.
It would likely be more difficult if I were practicing Hinduism per se instead of simply following my path with Amma. There are thousands of us Western devotees who come to the programs, who travel to India, who wear saris, dots on the forehead, etc. around Amma. It simply isn’t out of the ordinary in the circles in which I move.

R: Is there any food I should be avoid aside from beef and dairy?

P: The typical Hindu diet is lactovegetarian – in other words, dairy is fine, but eggs aren’t. If you feel the need for meat, then typically that would be chicken, fish or lamb. Definitely not beef, as the cow is revered. Also, some people will avoid onion and garlic.

R: What can you recommend for someone like me to do on Diwali?

P: I don’t actually do much for Diwali myself. At satsangs, we light some extra lights and share some sweets. Whatever you decide to do, think of the external as symbolic of the internal. To worship Ganesha is to invoke the kind, readily-accessible force that clears obstacles. To worship Lakshmi is to invoke the Divine Feminine who showers blessings of abundance. To worship Saraswati is to invoke the Divine Feminine who governs knowledge, speech, language and music. When you light lamps, feel that the light is being lit within as well, clearing away all darkness. If you get some sweets, offer them first to Ganesha, Lakshmi and Saraswati as a symbol of you offering your sweetest, best self to the Divine for His/Her enjoyment and blessing. Then eat them gratefully, mindfully and slowly as though the Divine were feeding you.

R: Thanks so much for taking the time to answer my questions!

***

Tonight is Diwali. I spent last night making homemade apple crisp to give to family and co-workers, and we celebrated by listening to Hindu and Kirtana music all day at work. I came home, made curry and bread pudding, and lit some candles and incense. I said some prayers and mantras to both Ganesha and Lakshmi. I offered apples, sugar, and honey (in following with offering the sweetest parts of myself to the divine).

Here are a few pictures of the altars I chose to light:

My main altar to Lakshmi and Ganesha.

Pets past and present

My air altar

October: Hinduism (or how I stopped worrying and learned to love the Brahma)

Namaste.

This month, I am studying Hinduism, which is a complex and huge religion. There are several different sects of Hinduism, ranging from montheistic to polytheistic. Prominent themes in Hindu beliefs include (but are not restricted to), Dharma (ethics/duties), Samsāra (The continuing cycle of birth, life, death and rebirth), Karma (action and subsequent reaction), Moksha (liberation from samsara), and the various Yogas (paths or practices).

For rituals, I will be aiming for daily meditation/prayers (mostly to Ganesha “Aum Shri Ganeshaya Namah”, and Lakshmi “Aum Shring Hring Kleeng Mahalakshmi Namah Aum”), daily yoga, and a larger celebration on Diwali, the Hindu festival of lights on October 17. Diwali is a celebration of the victory of good over evil and the uplifting of spiritual darkness.

I am waiting to hear back from my friend, and then there will be more.

September: the female Jewitch perspective

My boyfriend recently asked me ‘are you even doing anything for these different months?’

I simply replied ‘yes, but I work when you’re asleep.’

I work my best at night, the later toward midnight, the better.

I think the hardest part of the Jewitch path has been keeping kosher, and the fact that being a Jewitch is so essentially ethnic. It doesn’t have to be, but it definitely is. So many folks that come from ethnically jewish backgrounds often embrace pagan mysteries. Being Jewish is the same as being Inuit – it’s a distinct society, a distinct people.

There isn’t a huge Jewish population in Halifax, and I’ve had a lot of problems getting in contact with the one Rabbi I found listed online. I spent most of my time as a Jewitch reading about being a Jewitch, and saying shabbat prayers. For Rosh Hashanah, I said a few prayers and rang a bell instead of blowing a trumpet. I tried to make peace with decisions I may be judged on, and I tried to live humbly.

In other words, this was the hardest one yet. Mostly because it’s such a small sect of paganism, and the person I had been emailing suddenly dropped off the face of the earth and neglected to email me back. I kinda had to go on feeling and sketchy framework – there is no guidebook. The book I spent my time reading is mostly a collection of interviews from people celebrating mystical Judaism. There were definitely people who identified as pagan, but they didn’t necessarily combine the elements of both Judaism and Paganism.

I am hoping that next month will prove a lot easier. I know that I have someone to help me out who won’t stop answering my emails (and truthfully, I have had a lot issues with people doing this to me throughout the year – they agree to help, and then when the time comes, they neglect to reply. Certainly, there could be underlying situations I am not privy to, but it’s frustrating nonetheless).

Shalom.